You see your teenager completely swamped, and it can feel like a nightmare. One minute they’re stressed about exams, the next they’re upset about something that happened on social media. It feels like a constant storm, and you’re on the sidelines, just wanting to hand them a better coat. Knowing what to do is hard. But you don’t have to have all the answers.
First, Just Try to Listen
It sounds obvious, but it’s harder to do in practice than you might think. The door slams. The bag is dropped. The story of some classroom injustice or friendship drama starts tumbling out. Your instinct is often to interrupt, to problem-solve, to say, “Well, you should have…” or “Why don’t you just…?”. Don’t. Just for a minute, bite your tongue and let them talk. It’s so hard, because you want to protect them and give them the benefit of your experience. But giving them the space to figure it out for themselves, just knowing you’re there, is a much bigger gift in the long run. Let them be angry or sad. Let the story be messy. A simple, “Wow, that sounds awful,” is better than any solution, because it tells them you’re in their corner.
Know That They Need a Life Outside of School
Revision and homework can become this huge monster that eats everything else. It eats their hobbies, their sleep, their fun. And then they’re just left tired, wired, and miserable. You have to be the one to say, “Right, that’s enough. Books away.” Encourage them to go for a run, mess about with their guitar, or just stare at the ceiling. And show them how it’s done. If they see you glued to your work emails at 10 pm, any talk about balance will sound hollow. This stuff is important for any child, but doubly so for a child you might be fostering in London, where having a routine that includes actual downtime can feel like the safest thing in the world. It’s not a luxury; it’s essential.
Get Off the Results Treadmill
It’s easy to get sucked into the obsession with grades. But when you only praise the A* (or 8 and 9 in today’s money), you’re telling them that their worth is conditional. That it depends on a letter on a piece of paper. Start praising the other stuff. The fact they spent an hour on a maths problem they hated. The fact they tried again after a rubbish mark. That C in chemistry isn’t a brand on their forehead; it’s just a grade. Their effort is what matters, because that’s the bit that builds character and stops them from being terrified of trying new things in case they aren’t perfect at them immediately.
And Finally, Trust Your Gut
You live with them. You know their moods. You know what’s normal teenage grumpiness and what feels… different. Are they not sleeping? Not eating? Hiding in their room for days and not speaking to their mates? If your gut is telling you something is properly wrong, listen to it. Don’t worry about ‘making a fuss’ or being wrong. It’s always better to check and be wrong than to ignore a feeling and be right. Having a word with the GP or the school counsellor isn’t failing. It’s being a good parent. It’s taking it seriously.
It’s not about being a perfect parent or raising a perfect, happy teen, because that’s an impossible standard. It’s just about being there, consistently. Being their safe place to land when the world feels sharp and unforgiving. That steady, unwavering presence is the anchor they need. It’s most of the battle.
